Beating Yourself Up Can Really Get You Down

Beating Yourself Up Can Really Get You Down……

My name is Alexis and I like to be perfect 99.9% of the time.  And when I’m not perfect I tend to beat myself up over it.  I feel like little demons of shame creep into my head and say things like, “You stupid girl…why didn’t you see that.  You should have made a better choice! You’re not enough!” Does this ring any bells?

I’m finally coming to a place where I realize how my own desire to be perfect all the time and to apply all the lessons I learn 100% all the time, has actually been getting in my way of fully learning and living those lessons. Oh the irony! 

We all have breakdowns because we all have triggers and everyone has different triggers; for example I might be triggered by a comment from my mom, a misinterpreted text message, a rejection from an audition.  What triggers you—your pet peeing on the couch, a friend cancelling on a coffee date?  It can be something small and silly, or big and hurtful.  Regardless of the trigger, when it happens we react—or at least I do, and when I react it isn’t always pretty, or conscious, or emotionally intelligent.  Why?...because it’s a reaction and not an interaction.  A reaction is impulsive, an emotional response that is unconscious and simulates a fight or flight response. 

I have the breakdown, I see the trigger and then what?  What I do, like most of us, is go back over what happened, perhaps apologize or talk to the person who triggered me and evaluate the situation using logic and a broader perspective.  All of these processes are great and essential to learning, but here is the part I struggle with—it’s what my acting teacher, Howard Fine calls “mental toughness.”  This is the part where I forgive myself and move on.  It’s the part that completes the cycle of learning after a breakdown.  This self-forgiveness is just as crucial to understanding why the breakdown happened and to integrate what I learned into life.  This is the part where I beat myself up.

So this idea of mental toughness, forgive myself and move on, is a lot easier said than done for perfectionists like me.  I beat myself up over having the breakdown in the first place and sometimes end up causing more drama than I did in the breakdown!  Anyone else?  Well, I am committed to letting this way of being go and to having more compassion on myself.  I know most of us feel good serving and helping others, so channel some of that energy on you.  I am in the process of learning that beating myself up over making mistakes actually holds me back from really putting what I’m learning about my own triggers and breakdowns into practice.  This video speaks into this process of forgiveness.  

I am starting my own 21 Day Abundance challenge where anytime I start to go into “beat up mode” I simply recognize I’m doing it and then say something nice to myself.  My intention is to step away from the language of “not enough” and step into a world where what I say and mean is filled with love and abundance.  I challenge you all to do the same.  Join me!  If this idea resonates with you, tweet me any affirmations or pep talk phrases you say to yourself and we can all be in this journey together!

To watch my video check out http://youtu.be/u3F87-yGuxY.

@alexiscarra

alexiscarra.com

 *Please note that not all experiences, beliefs and ideas are shared by each member of the “The New Hollywood.”  We are a group of shepherds, not sheep.

@TNH_Tweets

thenewhollywood.org

Croquet for a Cause: CeCe

By Victoria Ullman

The definition of the word Charity is the voluntary giving of help to those in need, an organization set up to provide help and raise money and awareness for those in need.  Ladies, I don’t own or trumpet nor do I know how to play one, but consider this your call to action!   

About a year ago I found myself taking a serious look at the business and artistic landscape in Hollywood.  What I saw, I didn’t like. Why were all of the vistas and seemingly insurmountable mountaintops mostly dotted with men? Why aren’t there more women in executive positions in studios?  Why aren’t there more films made/directed by women? Why aren’t there more female writers in this industry?  I knew I had to do something about it. 

....So, over a bottle of wine one night, I decided to start a charity called CeCe: Croquet for a Cause with my friend and co-founder, Lily.  Unlike other charities, we knew this one had to be different.  It had to be fun and informational but above all else strive to make a serious impact for younger women in this highly competitive industry.  We wanted to focus on supporting one another rather than being competitive (we all know there is enough of that out there!)  And we wanted to shine a light on all of the amazing, inspirational women that we know.  

We also realized that an amazing organization already existed that shared our qualities, Women in Film. They bring support to a whole new level with their Mentoring Circles.  Having been an actress in this highly competitive town for a few years now, makes the idea of a place where I can be nurtured and supported really appealing.  My Mentoring Circle has been such an amazing experience where I meet with 9 other women in this industry, in all fields from editing to producing, writing to directing, and hosting to acting. We are led by 2 amazing mentors that have been in this industry for a long time and know the “ins and outs” of it all. There is a level of understanding that is unique to mentoring, that Lily and I found was important to share.  

CeCe will be hosting their inaugural one-day charity croquet tournament/garden party in conjunction with Women in Film on October the 19th, 2013 at Culver Studios from 1pm-5pm. Parking is free and the price of admission is $75.  If you register now though, you can use promo code CECE48 to get discounted tickets for $50.  It will be a day of cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, networking and, of course, croquet, all working towards bringing awareness to the Women in Film Foundation's Mentorship Program. Mentoring is such a huge part of shaping one's career and in this male dominated business it is so important to support each other as women.  Our website is http://www.croquetforacause.com if you would like to take a closer look.   

I hope to see all of you there!

Victoria Ullmann is Austrian/American. She graduated from Emerson College with a BFA in Acting. She is dedicated to giving women a voice in the global media market and through that, giving women all over the world, in all walks of life, a chance to be heard. In founding CeCe, Victoria seeks to draw attention to women everywhere, illustrating once and for all, that we are not second-class citizens, that we are in fact equal to men in all aspects (except maybe when it comes to American Ninja Warrior) and that we are able to have as much impact on this world as men do. While she thinks men are an invaluable part of the human race, she also believes that women are just as smart as men and sometimes even better problem solvers. Especially when it comes to croquet.