Beating Yourself Up Can Really Get You Down

Beating Yourself Up Can Really Get You Down……

My name is Alexis and I like to be perfect 99.9% of the time.  And when I’m not perfect I tend to beat myself up over it.  I feel like little demons of shame creep into my head and say things like, “You stupid girl…why didn’t you see that.  You should have made a better choice! You’re not enough!” Does this ring any bells?

I’m finally coming to a place where I realize how my own desire to be perfect all the time and to apply all the lessons I learn 100% all the time, has actually been getting in my way of fully learning and living those lessons. Oh the irony! 

We all have breakdowns because we all have triggers and everyone has different triggers; for example I might be triggered by a comment from my mom, a misinterpreted text message, a rejection from an audition.  What triggers you—your pet peeing on the couch, a friend cancelling on a coffee date?  It can be something small and silly, or big and hurtful.  Regardless of the trigger, when it happens we react—or at least I do, and when I react it isn’t always pretty, or conscious, or emotionally intelligent.  Why?...because it’s a reaction and not an interaction.  A reaction is impulsive, an emotional response that is unconscious and simulates a fight or flight response. 

I have the breakdown, I see the trigger and then what?  What I do, like most of us, is go back over what happened, perhaps apologize or talk to the person who triggered me and evaluate the situation using logic and a broader perspective.  All of these processes are great and essential to learning, but here is the part I struggle with—it’s what my acting teacher, Howard Fine calls “mental toughness.”  This is the part where I forgive myself and move on.  It’s the part that completes the cycle of learning after a breakdown.  This self-forgiveness is just as crucial to understanding why the breakdown happened and to integrate what I learned into life.  This is the part where I beat myself up.

So this idea of mental toughness, forgive myself and move on, is a lot easier said than done for perfectionists like me.  I beat myself up over having the breakdown in the first place and sometimes end up causing more drama than I did in the breakdown!  Anyone else?  Well, I am committed to letting this way of being go and to having more compassion on myself.  I know most of us feel good serving and helping others, so channel some of that energy on you.  I am in the process of learning that beating myself up over making mistakes actually holds me back from really putting what I’m learning about my own triggers and breakdowns into practice.  This video speaks into this process of forgiveness.  

I am starting my own 21 Day Abundance challenge where anytime I start to go into “beat up mode” I simply recognize I’m doing it and then say something nice to myself.  My intention is to step away from the language of “not enough” and step into a world where what I say and mean is filled with love and abundance.  I challenge you all to do the same.  Join me!  If this idea resonates with you, tweet me any affirmations or pep talk phrases you say to yourself and we can all be in this journey together!

To watch my video check out http://youtu.be/u3F87-yGuxY.

@alexiscarra

alexiscarra.com

 *Please note that not all experiences, beliefs and ideas are shared by each member of the “The New Hollywood.”  We are a group of shepherds, not sheep.

@TNH_Tweets

thenewhollywood.org

Croquet for a Cause: CeCe

By Victoria Ullman

The definition of the word Charity is the voluntary giving of help to those in need, an organization set up to provide help and raise money and awareness for those in need.  Ladies, I don’t own or trumpet nor do I know how to play one, but consider this your call to action!   

About a year ago I found myself taking a serious look at the business and artistic landscape in Hollywood.  What I saw, I didn’t like. Why were all of the vistas and seemingly insurmountable mountaintops mostly dotted with men? Why aren’t there more women in executive positions in studios?  Why aren’t there more films made/directed by women? Why aren’t there more female writers in this industry?  I knew I had to do something about it. 

....So, over a bottle of wine one night, I decided to start a charity called CeCe: Croquet for a Cause with my friend and co-founder, Lily.  Unlike other charities, we knew this one had to be different.  It had to be fun and informational but above all else strive to make a serious impact for younger women in this highly competitive industry.  We wanted to focus on supporting one another rather than being competitive (we all know there is enough of that out there!)  And we wanted to shine a light on all of the amazing, inspirational women that we know.  

We also realized that an amazing organization already existed that shared our qualities, Women in Film. They bring support to a whole new level with their Mentoring Circles.  Having been an actress in this highly competitive town for a few years now, makes the idea of a place where I can be nurtured and supported really appealing.  My Mentoring Circle has been such an amazing experience where I meet with 9 other women in this industry, in all fields from editing to producing, writing to directing, and hosting to acting. We are led by 2 amazing mentors that have been in this industry for a long time and know the “ins and outs” of it all. There is a level of understanding that is unique to mentoring, that Lily and I found was important to share.  

CeCe will be hosting their inaugural one-day charity croquet tournament/garden party in conjunction with Women in Film on October the 19th, 2013 at Culver Studios from 1pm-5pm. Parking is free and the price of admission is $75.  If you register now though, you can use promo code CECE48 to get discounted tickets for $50.  It will be a day of cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, networking and, of course, croquet, all working towards bringing awareness to the Women in Film Foundation's Mentorship Program. Mentoring is such a huge part of shaping one's career and in this male dominated business it is so important to support each other as women.  Our website is http://www.croquetforacause.com if you would like to take a closer look.   

I hope to see all of you there!

Victoria Ullmann is Austrian/American. She graduated from Emerson College with a BFA in Acting. She is dedicated to giving women a voice in the global media market and through that, giving women all over the world, in all walks of life, a chance to be heard. In founding CeCe, Victoria seeks to draw attention to women everywhere, illustrating once and for all, that we are not second-class citizens, that we are in fact equal to men in all aspects (except maybe when it comes to American Ninja Warrior) and that we are able to have as much impact on this world as men do. While she thinks men are an invaluable part of the human race, she also believes that women are just as smart as men and sometimes even better problem solvers. Especially when it comes to croquet.

The Mask You Live In Documentary

"The New Hollywood" Women's Goal Group Inc. was one of many organizations that helped support Jennifer Siebel Newsom in her grassroots efforts to get her (award winning) documentary Miss Representation off the ground.  We are proud to further support this amazing woman who is continuing to bring forth conversation and action to better our world.  Here is what she is up to now and we feel it will be just as successful and perhaps even more relevant and powerful.

The Mask You Live In is a new documentary film by Jennifer Siebel Newsom.  It asks: As a society, how are we failing our boys. As a sister, niece, someday to be a mother, and a girlfriend I find this topic incredibly important.  If we are going to focus on inequality with women then it is equally important to question why it exists in the first place and what both sexes can do together to heal wounds that lead to violence and suppression.  

Here are some interesting facts: compared to girls, research shows that boys in the U.S. are more likely to be diagnosed with a behavior disorder, prescribed stimulant medications, fail out of school, binge drink, commit a violent crime, and/or take their own lives. 

Our society’s failure to recognize and care for the social and emotional well-being of our boys contributes to a nation of young men who navigate adversity and conflict with an incomplete emotional skill set. Whether boys and later men have chosen to resist or conform to this masculine norm, there is loneliness, anxiety, and pain.

The Mask You Live In documentary will examine how gender stereotypes are interconnected with race, class, and circumstance, and how kids are further influenced by the education system, sports culture, and mass media- video games and pornography in particular. The film also highlights the importance of placing emphasis on the social and emotional needs of boys through healthy family communication, alternative teaching strategies, conscious media consumption, positive role modeling and innovative mentorship programs.

Fortunately they have surpassed their original funding goal in 14 days, so their current target is gaining 2,500 backers - in order to build a strong base of support for the film moving forward. 

Please watch and forward this video campaign that is not just a documentary film but a movement to help heal our nation.

 http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jensiebelnewsom/the-mask-you-live-in

www.missrepresentation.org

"The New Hollywood"

Thinking of Hollywood there are many words that come to mind-glitz, glamour, lights

flashing, red carpet, and paparazzi- looking fabulous! Being famous for being famous or

rich. Reality TV, cat fights, drug addiction, rehab, eating disorders, infidelity, stealing

husbands, using dogs like accessories… using babies like accessories. Sex tapes

“accidentally released,” pulling a Basic Instinct while leaving limos… And then there is

“The New Hollywood.”

I don’t know about you but I’m sick of having my subconscious absorb so much

negativity around Hollywood and their portrayal of women. I feel like at a certain point

art isn’t reflecting life but that life is a reflection of art. And I don’t know if I want to

reflect all of the negative aspects of that kind of “art.” I don’t know if I want to be that

kind of woman. So I’m not. I choose to surround myself with other authentic, likeminded

women. Women who want to learn, to grow, to be truly artistic and who wish to

shine in every area of their lives. Women who try to love each other and themselves with

all of our imperfections. To erase the word “should” from our vocabulary and trust that

each “Goddess” will figure out what is best for her along the way. “To become a

professional cheerleader for each other and for ourselves.” To whisper in each other’s

ears to… “Dance through the storms… because sunshine will break through the clouds…

as it always does with time.”

We are “real women” just like you. We come from different parts of the world, have

various experiences, paradigms, beliefs, upbringings, and yet we all have fears, had our

hearts broken, dealt with the awkward years of puberty and wanting to fit in, we all…

heck, we all get our periods and that alone should bind us together (like in the novel,

“The Red Tent” by Anita Diamant).

Our mission statement is simple: "The New Hollywood" Women's Goal Group Inc is a women's philanthropic goal group based in Los Angeles.  It is a group of professional women within the entertainment industry of all ages, backgrounds and ethnicities.  We provide a safe environment where our members are accepted as they are and encouraged to fulfill their potential to achieve their personal and professional goals.  "The New Hollywood" donates upwards of $10,000 a year to various charities, as well as, creating outreach events and collaborating with other non-profits.  In short...we are women who support women. 

You’re a woman and it’s a truly amazing thing. As women we give so much to so many

and love so deeply. I hope this blog will awaken the part of you that perhaps wants to

stay small in certain areas. To remind you of the little girl inside who wants you to play

and wants you to be nicer to her more often. To remind you that life doesn’t have to be a

mundane to-do list in order to accomplish your goals. To inspire you by reading about others 

who are making the seemingly "impossible possible." And to remind you that you know

exactly what you need if you listen to your heart.

Best Wishes,

Brianna Brown

Founder and CEO of “The New Hollywood” Women’s Goal Group Inc. 501(c)(3) non-profit

www.thenewhollywood.org

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
 Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
 It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. 
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
 Actually, who are you NOT to be?
 You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
 There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
 We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
 It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. 
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-by Marianne Williamson

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.  Learn from the mistakes of others.  You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.  To handle yourself, use your head; to hand others, use your heart.  Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."  -Eleanor Roosevelt

"You are here to enable the world to live more amply with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.  You are here to enrich the world."  -Woodrow Wilson