Beating Yourself Up Can Really Get You Down

Beating Yourself Up Can Really Get You Down……

My name is Alexis and I like to be perfect 99.9% of the time.  And when I’m not perfect I tend to beat myself up over it.  I feel like little demons of shame creep into my head and say things like, “You stupid girl…why didn’t you see that.  You should have made a better choice! You’re not enough!” Does this ring any bells?

I’m finally coming to a place where I realize how my own desire to be perfect all the time and to apply all the lessons I learn 100% all the time, has actually been getting in my way of fully learning and living those lessons. Oh the irony! 

We all have breakdowns because we all have triggers and everyone has different triggers; for example I might be triggered by a comment from my mom, a misinterpreted text message, a rejection from an audition.  What triggers you—your pet peeing on the couch, a friend cancelling on a coffee date?  It can be something small and silly, or big and hurtful.  Regardless of the trigger, when it happens we react—or at least I do, and when I react it isn’t always pretty, or conscious, or emotionally intelligent.  Why?...because it’s a reaction and not an interaction.  A reaction is impulsive, an emotional response that is unconscious and simulates a fight or flight response. 

I have the breakdown, I see the trigger and then what?  What I do, like most of us, is go back over what happened, perhaps apologize or talk to the person who triggered me and evaluate the situation using logic and a broader perspective.  All of these processes are great and essential to learning, but here is the part I struggle with—it’s what my acting teacher, Howard Fine calls “mental toughness.”  This is the part where I forgive myself and move on.  It’s the part that completes the cycle of learning after a breakdown.  This self-forgiveness is just as crucial to understanding why the breakdown happened and to integrate what I learned into life.  This is the part where I beat myself up.

So this idea of mental toughness, forgive myself and move on, is a lot easier said than done for perfectionists like me.  I beat myself up over having the breakdown in the first place and sometimes end up causing more drama than I did in the breakdown!  Anyone else?  Well, I am committed to letting this way of being go and to having more compassion on myself.  I know most of us feel good serving and helping others, so channel some of that energy on you.  I am in the process of learning that beating myself up over making mistakes actually holds me back from really putting what I’m learning about my own triggers and breakdowns into practice.  This video speaks into this process of forgiveness.  

I am starting my own 21 Day Abundance challenge where anytime I start to go into “beat up mode” I simply recognize I’m doing it and then say something nice to myself.  My intention is to step away from the language of “not enough” and step into a world where what I say and mean is filled with love and abundance.  I challenge you all to do the same.  Join me!  If this idea resonates with you, tweet me any affirmations or pep talk phrases you say to yourself and we can all be in this journey together!

To watch my video check out http://youtu.be/u3F87-yGuxY.

@alexiscarra

alexiscarra.com

 *Please note that not all experiences, beliefs and ideas are shared by each member of the “The New Hollywood.”  We are a group of shepherds, not sheep.

@TNH_Tweets

thenewhollywood.org