Beating Yourself Up Can Really Get You Down……
My name is Alexis and I like to be perfect 99.9% of the
time. And when I’m not perfect I tend to
beat myself up over it. I feel like
little demons of shame creep into my head and say things like, “You stupid
girl…why didn’t you see that. You should
have made a better choice! You’re not enough!” Does this ring any bells?
I’m finally coming to a place where I realize how my own
desire to be perfect all the time and to apply all the lessons I learn 100% all
the time, has actually been getting in my way of fully learning and living
those lessons. Oh the irony!
We all have breakdowns because we all have triggers and
everyone has different triggers; for example I might be triggered by a comment
from my mom, a misinterpreted text message, a rejection from an audition. What triggers you—your pet peeing on the
couch, a friend cancelling on a coffee date?
It can be something small and silly, or big and hurtful. Regardless of the trigger, when it happens we react—or at least I
do, and when I react it isn’t always pretty, or conscious, or emotionally
intelligent. Why?...because it’s a
reaction and not an interaction. A reaction is impulsive, an emotional
response that is unconscious and simulates a fight or flight response.
I have the breakdown, I see the trigger and then what? What I do, like most of us, is go back over
what happened, perhaps apologize or talk to the person who triggered me and evaluate
the situation using logic and a broader perspective. All of these processes are great and essential
to learning, but here is the part I struggle with—it’s what my acting teacher,
Howard Fine calls “mental toughness.”
This is the part where I forgive myself and move on. It’s the part that completes the cycle of
learning after a breakdown. This self-forgiveness
is just as crucial to understanding why the breakdown happened and to integrate
what I learned into life. This is the
part where I beat myself up.
So this idea of mental toughness, forgive myself and move on,
is a lot easier said than done for perfectionists like me. I beat myself up over having the breakdown in
the first place and sometimes end up causing more drama than I did in the
breakdown! Anyone else? Well, I am committed to letting this way of
being go and to having more compassion on myself. I know most of us feel good serving and
helping others, so channel some of that energy on you. I am in the process of learning that beating
myself up over making mistakes actually holds me back from really putting what
I’m learning about my own triggers and breakdowns into practice. This video speaks into this process of
forgiveness.
To watch my video check out http://youtu.be/u3F87-yGuxY.
@alexiscarra
alexiscarra.com
@TNH_Tweets
thenewhollywood.org